Monday, May 31, 2010

a thank you. and.... dio - dennis- art - gary - memorial day and putting things off.

i'm not quite sure what i want to say in this post but i have the desire so write. i hate doing stuff like this at times due to my sometimes superstitious nature of "omg if i do that does it mean i'm gonna die?"

a lot of deaths have happened this week and today we reflect on those who gave their lives so we can live better.

this year i've personally had a few people very close to me die. all of which were sudden. one from suicide who was a life long friend. one from a brain hemorrhage one due to undiagnosed stomach cancer. those were the most recent.

i was just in my back yard reading the memorial program from ronnie james dio's funeral a friend gave me who attended (gave me to read). i wasn't a fan and yet i sat captivated for the last 20 minutes reading what an impact he had on so many people who's letters to him were in the program. the one from lars ulrich of metalica made me cry. he said "i wanted to call you and sorta pussied out cuz i felt the last thing you needed was to think about returning a call from me. i wish now i had."

this was written by a person ronnie considered a friend and business associate. it made me cry, his whole letter was so vulnerable.

i thought of "unfinished business" i have with people in personal relationships and business matters too actually. the arrogance of man is we will always have "tomorrow". we won't and don't.

i tend to put off "hard things" especially if it's emotionally "uncomfortable".  for some reason reading ronnie's program, coupled with the deaths this week of so many notable people, mixed with this year's' personal deaths to memorial day i'm thinking a bit more about things "i don't want to think about."

i met dennis hopper once at a concert my then best friend was doing. he was funny, mysterious, handsome and captivating and very sweet. my friend and i lost touch over now what seems like a very trivial matter. i know she'll be at dennis' service. will i write her because i'm feeling moved now or will i think i "should" until god forbid i get a call one day to find she's passed? i don't know what i will do but now i'm thinking i could. will i or will i let that moment pass and will i choose to NOT do it and let myself be distracted by,  oh a bazillion or so things only to one day say... "oh i meant to."

of course i have many reasons i've NOT written her or called. we all have our reasons. are they worth it should we lose the opportunity to "make that call" forever?

i miss my friends who passed. my relatives. i have no regrets there. but i do have some "unfinished business" with some folks AND also just miss some people who "if" i were to lose them, i'd regret not letting them know how much they mean to me.

being involved a "tiny" bit in RFL and other things in SL where i've learned of people dying too brings the reality of "here today gone tomorrow" into a sobering perspective for me at this moment.

usually i let these moments slip away planning on thinking about them later. today i stopped, excused myself and am writing this "staying in this moment" rather than eating more shrimp and bruscetta (a little memorial day feast going on here atm).

now that i got that all out, i think i will continue and write my old friend that i love and miss terribly. then i may also write a few other people.

and in closing, thanks to all of you who make my secondlife memorable. everyone i meet impacts me in some way. i've far too many blessings to count them all in this post as far as people in SL. but truly, thank you. even those i've never met, i may have heard about you, what you do, how you impact others, how kind you are, helpful, challenging, artistic, and more. i'm smiling now thinking of just what a vast pool of amazing people are in community. and this weekend a few of us had some really fun times too at an impromptu 2 night "fashion on the farm" party. haha, what fun that was. more memories.

that makes closing this post a bit less heavy and so thank you all for that and now i'm gonna continue on and reach out to a few people and stay in this moment i can feel myself fighting to "put off".

all the best and god bless you all. much love and again thank you for touching my life.


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