well, i've gotten a lot of positive response on my accidental "10 things" posts, no one mentioned if they noticed that one of them i only listed 5, hahaha. perhaps since i ramble on so, they just figured it was 10.
today what i've been thinking about is how good "grace and mercy" looks on those who wear it.
most of us know (well at least deep down inside) that we're not perfect, we don't always live up to our own set of ideals, or those of others. we make mistakes, have poor judgement at times, and do or say things we wish we'd not have done.
ok so what can we do when we find we have made a dreaded "mistake" and god forbid had it done publicly? AND ever more importantly how can we act when someone MAKES a mistake publicly and the ever-so-popular "herd mentality" kicks in to "crucify" the horrid "mistake maker!"
1. realize NO ONE is perfect. period. not YOU, not others NOT, me. end of story. if you live in the delusion that you are... "newsflash" everyone else knows it's not true. (well except maybe your mom or lovestruck partner)
2. realize that everyone makes mistakes they are embarrassed about! like do you REALLY think "said person" wanted to say, do, or otherwise act in a way that would have YOU, your amazing friends, and who knows who else blogging, gossiping OR passing chat around? i mean come on. i don't know of anyone who'd wish that on themselves.
3. realize that often people "react" instead of "act". this is NORMAL HUMAN BEHAVIOR. are YOU always so composed and graceful that you never make a social faux paus? doubtful huh?
4. when someone does do or say something which is "out of line" in your opinion or *gasp* that of many others resist the very tempting desire to "show them a thing or two" and let them know how BAD what they did was. (i'm sure they know)
5. if someone is doing or saying something that is an obvious mistake, why not IM them privately and say it rather than in open chat or even worse in a group chat? do you really need to let everyone else see how you "told them off". i mean is your ego that in need of validation that you need to "stop" the dreaded offender in the open?
*note the above does NOT apply to someone who is being horribly abusive or harassing, in that case it's often best to quickly and swiftly say it openly. i'm speaking of other things that happen in our "typed" world where mistakes and faux paus happen.
6. remember we're ALL in this together. we all mess up. how wonderful it feels when we do that to have someone say, "oh gosh i've done that before... i wanted to hide for days... don't think another thing about it!"
7. if the "offender" apologizes and "fesses up when they mess up" please do NOT do the "apology accepted just think next time." why? you look like a pompous snob and a mistake is JUST that. the point here is to extend a little "grace and mercy".
8. if you can, laugh it off with them. chances are the person feels so so so dumb and is gonna be thinking about this a whole lot longer than you are. demystify it and in that let them see you fully understand things like that happen.
9. be kind.
10. if need be, defend the "mistake maker" if others go after them. this can be tough but what's worse? a person who makes a social error or the tons of others who sit and do the school yard mentality of belittling them and scolding them as if they themselves have NEVER made a mistake? have the courage to stand up and say, "hey guys, let's stop this, we all blow it". if you do that not only will the "mistake maker" feel a lot better, so will a TON of other people who witness the situation as they will know you're a person who would defend them too in a similar situation.
wow! i did 10!
do i make social mistakes. uh... YES... in fact i just did one the other night... don't ask!
so extend a bit of grace this month, hell, why not all year? we need it, i need it, if you don't can you please let us all know where and how you learned to get it all togethah? i'm sure we'd all be most grateful!
'til the next 10!
the mistake making caLLie!
p.s. i spell checked this an am proud to say THANK GOD FOR SPELL CHECK i had like 17 words misspelled!
6 comments:
that's so beautifully said caLLie. i so wish it would make people think how completely unsettling things can get when the social judges amongst us are unleashed.
depersonalizing and demonizing anyone (i've suffered the slings and arrows myself so i know) is an elitist "higher than thou" mentality you don't seem to possess. i guess it's how you stay on top. aohm...
preaching to the choir is one thing, but; is there anything you can do to fix those who feed from (and on) a herd mentality?
the game seems, at least it does to me, to be Philip's social experiment designed for the expression of love and one's mental projections of self. your mileage may vary. we each have our own point of view, of course.
there's really an extraordinary amount of gifted people here. and, surely the artistically challenged or socially inept find it easy to "play" (use your own term here) with anyone who they can hurt/prey upon.
how is it that the slim minority of shit slingers in SL are given such popularity when in the real world they are marginalized and set aside to play in their own little world until they have to conform to established norms?
polite society (and maybe that's where the problem lies since the relatively young players want nothing but to disturb any status quo) cannot exist where those who harm others are looked upon as heroes and heroines.
can we live together in the same world? IN the world, yes, with all subsequent rules we've established being firmly policed and administered. relating to the game as if it's just another internet first person shooter seems to degrade it to a level any gamer realizes quite readily.
the state of mind these gamers inhabit (who do not immerse themselves and are not able to release the demons of their minds in roleplaying - imagining - expressing all selves of their being) needs some help. the day may come when the utility of SL will be realized.
or not.
honestly i don't know the answers. in my view the "shit slingers" whomever they may be (i'm sure each has our own 'shit list') are so popular.
in my experience i really don't even know what a "shit slinger" is.
i do know i'd rather know where i stand with a person than fall prey to the "kisses in public" that result in the private jabs.
the purpose of this post was to hopefully encourage the thought that we're really all the same, we all make mistakes (knowingly AND not) and that we ALL can use a bit of "grace" and "mercy".
i know i can, have been on the receiving end of it, and it's been GREAT for me in my life and experience in SL and RL.
i really don't know many who look at those who seek to harm as heros. i've seen the most vile and horrid things said and NOT be supported... and yes, sadly, i've read way to many posts where people jump on a bandwagon of venom putting in 2 and 3 cents here and there of pure dribble and just really jr. high type comments.
no one i know REALLY takes them or there comments seriously. not in the way of whom they want they would trust in the things that really matter.
maybe in a "gang" type 'oh look i'm a cool kid way' yes...
but... comments in blogs, group chats, open chats during conflict reveal a LOT about a person, a lot more than they think.
anyway, thanks for your comment and i guess i'd say, BE the change you wish to see. it can only start with you.
caLLie
p.s. sell many of my collars? :P
Another great post Callie and it's true that there have been so many dramas recently that really should never have happened - if only people had handled things differently.
I don't wish to self-promote (and I don't even have my own blog) but I wrote a piece for a friend on this very topic, except that I tried to educate the person in question how to respond properly to being complained about or attacked.
http://social-bliss.blogspot.com/2009/09/when-bloggers-attack.html
Together, I think we have covered both sides and I hope the people who feed on OPDs starve to death.
i like your article... one thing i have to say is...
i think your comment, i hope those do feed starve to death was meant that if ppl do this, stuff like that won't be kept alive...
so yes for that!
if anyone misreads it like i think i did, i do NOT hope anyone STARVES or that any ill comes to anyone :)
thanks for your post!
and for your link. i've seen TONS of drama nipped in the bud due to simply going to the person privately.
take care and ty again.
Yes - you are right. That was very poorly worded. We need to starve the dramas to death.
i was pretty sure that's what you meant in light of your post AND it's a very clever way to put it.
but just in keeping with the nature of the topic i wanted to make sure!
thanks :)
maybe i'll make a "starve drama" tshirt.
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